i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
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