he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
