I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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