Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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