Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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