you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
