That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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