Sry I called you an 8
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
