somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize