I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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