A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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