sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize