Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
