Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
