so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
