I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
