You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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