I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
