I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Randomize
