after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
