"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
where does the pee come out of this thing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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