found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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