he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize