i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
My vagina just recognized that song.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
