I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
