WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
