I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
