ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
