bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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