david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
