when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
