Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
