Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
