I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
