Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
