i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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