I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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