Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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