i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
