i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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