and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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