This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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