I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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