He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
