did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
