I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
