My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
