Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
