it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
