Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Randomize
