we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
