My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
