I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
