The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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