If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
