I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
