She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
