i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
