it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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