oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
