how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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