so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How naked do you want me to be?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
