Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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