I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
