This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
