She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
