Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You ate ashes out of my bong
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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