Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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