Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
